Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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