hotel room ftw
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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