he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
