I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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