remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
