I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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