Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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