He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
