ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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