If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
