I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize