I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
