meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
