this beer tastes like vomit already
areolas are like halos for boobs.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
