Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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