I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
