oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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