Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
