Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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