im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
