Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
