The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Randomize
