i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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