____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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