9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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