so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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