at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
