If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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