She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize