That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
