There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize