Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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