Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
