i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
