he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
