4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
