may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
