before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
