i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
