Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
she peed on how many people?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
