It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
