I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
