I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
