You smell like a Billy Joel song
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize