I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
