I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize