Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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