We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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