shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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