Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
