she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
