i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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