So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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