Having a random hookup so left but love u
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
