I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
