I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
