shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
