God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
