we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
