she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
