toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize