where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
