I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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