Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
