my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
