You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
