If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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