I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
