There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She told me I should be a condom model.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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