dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
