Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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