Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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