Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
