so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
