Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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