My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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