This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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