she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Randomize
