you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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