You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
