Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
