i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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