Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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